Reflective Learning

Yesterday I was doing some reading to try and get ideas to help a client that is dealing with depression. I turned to a book that I have previously read by William Glasser. He was discussing our "total behavior" and how when we are not in effective control of our lives, many of us immediately think about using the total behavior we were born with, that of angering.

Anger is built in our genes to help us survive. But as young children, most of us learn that anger doesn't get us what we want, especially when we try to use it against adults that are also angering.

Although we are not aware of it, depressing is one of the most powerful ways that humans have discovered to restrain angering and many of us use it a lot. Depressing is a very strong controlling behavior.

It takes a lot of energy to block angering completely, that is why we are so tired when we are depressing. As long as we depress, we have little energy to do anything else. Depressing prevents huge amount of marital and family violence, therefore it is good that we are able to depress quickly and effectively. Some people dedicate their lives to this behavior, thus needing to be cared for. If they can figure out another choice to give them control over their lives, they might stop choosing to depress.

Depressing is a way we ask for help without begging. In fact it is the most powerful "help-me" information we can give to another person. The suffering others see, legitimizes our asking for help. Often times, depressing people will tell us how crippling their depression is, so others will know their suffering.

We all have a choice in what our behaviors will be. We need to either stop our behavior (depressing, angering etc.) or change what we want (Our Quality World).

Often times someone who is experiencing depression may think they would not choose to be this depressed. I would like them to take a challenge. Force yourself to do something physical for at least one hour. Something you enjoy. Notice that for a short time you are not depressing, you are not thinking about your unhappiness, in fact you may feel much better. When you are finished, you may start thinking about all the unhappy things in your life. To keep depressing you have to keep thinking the unhappy thoughts.


Taken from Choice Theory by William Glasser.